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Excessive People-Pleasing Through the Lens of Family Constellations
“Fawn” (appeasement/fawning) is a trauma response that involves excessive people-pleasing to avoid conflict and potential threat. This behavior is a form of pacification, but unlike the other responses—fight, flight, or freeze—it seeks to neutralize danger by making the person indispensable to the aggressor, thereby ensuring their own safety. It is a survival strategy often learned in childhood, which can lead to neglecting one’s own needs and feeling inauthentic. Trauma responses are not a matter of choice—they are the body’s instinctive reaction to danger. They include fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Fawning is an unconscious attempt to maintain connection in an unsafe environment or relationship by preserving a sense of apparent…
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The father – significant or conditional authority
Looking at our parents from the perspective of a child, we rarely see our father for who he is – imperfect and sufficient. According to our ingrained notions of a male parent, the father, unlike the mother, has to meet high standards. He must be strong, the protector of the family, a provider of goods and resources, to ensure security and prosperity in the home, to be successful and established in his profession and, if possible, at a high level in society. He is often internally rejected if he appears weak, hesitant, insecure, depressed, dependent on alcohol, or inadequate.In our perceptions, he has an “indirect” involvement, even in our conception.…
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Whatever is alive is incomplete
“Whatever is alive is incomplete and in a process of becoming. The dead are complete. The longing for completion is, in essence, a longing for death. In order to stay living one must respect incompleteness.”Bert Hellinger – Sunday contemplations
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Seeing and recognizing patterns
Seeing and recognizing patterns (loops) is like getting in touch with Light! ✨ It’s like the lights are turned on and you all of a sudden see more; you see clearer, so the loop can end. But “seeing” doesn’t always feel good. In fact, seeing can bring some pain because you also likely see your part in the pattern or realize how long it’s been going on. “There is no birth of consciousness without pain.” – Carl Jung It hurts to SEE. It requires taking responsibility, but it’s the pain in fact that teaches us to use this Light and new vision for a new way forward because the consciousness…
